Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
