After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
