It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
