Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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