Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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