I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
