If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
this hospital has no fireball
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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