im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
