ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
how do you play pong handcuffed?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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