I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
