Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
