you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
