I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
