dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
