Your mouth is God's brothel.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize