this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
