I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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