just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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