So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
