Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
