His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
