forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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