i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
