im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So much rum. So many feels.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
