i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
