This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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