can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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