We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
