i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
