Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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