i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
