Where is the hickey?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
