well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
