I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
