he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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