Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
