I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize