I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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