she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
