You're so nebulous sometimes
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
