I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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