She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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