Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
