saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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