i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
