Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
