I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
