i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
