I heard we made out
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
