i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
