I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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