I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
