Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
