Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
not ubering you a puppy
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
