The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize