I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
