Don't make out with my wife yet
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
