yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
