i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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