And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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