We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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