I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
