Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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