apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think I sprained my soul last night
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
