Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
