Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
