I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize