I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
