Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
