He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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