There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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