I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
