I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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