Whod you bang
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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