Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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