One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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