You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
