I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
