My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
