He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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