You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
