I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize