he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
